Snake in the...Huh?

Not that I'm setting out to do a series on pesky critters...but here's another tale. Some of you have heard it before, but I was recently reminded of the circumstances, so I'm agonna tell it again.

My last job before I hitched up the wagon (read: mini-van full of books, instruments, and cats) to head out west (read: Fort Collins, Colorado) was as a computer support tech for a small state college nestled in the Vermont hills. We maintained the computer labs, set up PCs for faculty and staff, and provided helpdesk support for students and employees alike. It was a fun job, for the most part. We certainly kept busy, and...well, let's just say academia's reputation for eccentricity isn't entirely unearned, or at least it wasn't there. Quite a few interesting characters and situations.

The campus itself is a hodgepodge of some pretty distinct "characters" as well, architecturally speaking. The core of the main building was originally the estate of the first president of the American Telephone and Telegraph Company, and is classic brick (and as I recall, was rumored to be haunted, at least in parts, by a certain past college president). Other buildings were spliced to it over the years: for example, a theater, a student center, and a concrete and glass monstrosity (my opinion only) of a "modern" library, built in the 70s. It includes an outdoor staircase made up of steps too short (in height) and too deep for anyone to maneuver without looking like a drunken gimp.

The campus also encompasses a few old farmhouses. The alumni relations department was--at least when I was there--situated in one such house: desk and printers and file cabinets packed in willy nilly through what had once been foyer, dining room, etc. Not exactly ideal modern office space, but it had its cozy charms. They did have to get a little creative when it came to stringing network and power cables around, especially since for the most part the furniture wasn't made for computers either, but they made it work.

One day I was on helpdesk duty, and a call came in from one of the alumni relations gals. They were trying to hook up speakers to one of their computers in order to watch a training video, but couldn't get any sound to come out. I ran through your usual basic troubleshooting, but to no avail. So I opened a ticket and headed up for a first-hand look. (Ah, the luxury of doing on-site support!)

When I got up to the house, I first did what any self-respecting tech would do: went to check if the speakers were actually plugged in correctly. I traced the cable down into a messy wad beneath the desk and was giving it some gentle tugs to help figure out where it was going when...one of the other cables moved. And not because I'd pulled it. And then it put out a bright-eyed little head and flicked a forked tongue at me.

Now...I realize garter snakes are helpful critters and all that. I realize they aren't exactly major threats. When I was a kid, we'd actually go off and search for garter snakes on purpose, turning over logs and seeking out the places they liked to sun themselves. We were pretty good at catching them, holding them right behind the head so they couldn't flick around and bite. Thus safely restrained, it was fascinating to feel the softness of their back scales, their armored underbellies. (I'm sure this was much more enjoyable for us than for the snakes.) I did get bitten a few times, but the bites were rarely worse than a needle stick--albeit a needle stick that Completely Freaked Mom Out.

Point is, they didn't really alarm me as a kid. However, somewhere along the line a sort of latent instinct (irrational but uncontrollable) activated itself, and now...the adrenaline kicks in before my brain can even fully identify "snake!!!" So when the "cable" revealed its true identity, I let out something between a whimper and a yelp and in about two seconds flat had propelled myself up onto the nearest chair.

Apparently this instinctual reaction to snakes isn't an isolated case. When I chair jumped, heads came up throughout the front rooms, and the instant I stammeringly made known the situation, I had company atop the furniture. A conference ensued. "You catch it and throw it out." "No, you do it." Ultimately one of us called someone from maintenance to come deal with the problem, and we did the best we could until his arrival.

This, I could mention, is something never accounted for in books. In fairy tales, when the princess is awaiting rescue from the dragon, the focus of the story is always on the action: the prince riding across league after league of hostile wasteland as he comes to her aid. No one ever details the awkward small talk of the rescuees and how they handled the tension of waiting. Someone should provide more guidance, srsly.

But eventually our prince arrived, in the form of a bemused middle-aged maintenance guy. He retrieved the snake (all scant 12 inches of it) and threw it outside.

And there was much rejoicing.

And then I fixed the sound issue (a driver or some such thing, I believe), and headed back to the office, where (it being a small and gossip-prone campus) news of my exploits had already spread. You'd think I'd get some credit for doing my duty in hazardous circumstances, but noooo. For the rest of my time there, I could count on the occasional not-quite-innocently-asked, "So, seen any snakes lately?" *shudder*

On the other hand, I imagine it was an even more alarming day for the snake...

These are a few of my favorite pencils

A bit ago, Rhodia Drive put out a call for photos of your favorite pencil. Of course I want to participate. But picking favorites is hard! I ended up taking this photo instead: a handful of pencils I've been particularly enjoying. Not sure if it'll qualify or not! I figured I'd share it here as well.

Left to right:
General's Cedar Pointe, Pentel Clic Eraser, Pentel Sharp Kerry, General's Semi-Hex, Palomino HB, Forest Choice HB, and a Musgrave Test Scoring 100 across the bottom.

● The first pencil that popped into my head when considering favorites was the Musgrave Test Scoring 100: that silver pencil at the bottom of the photo. I love these. They may not be perfect, but every time I pick one up, my mind gives a little contented sigh. If I'm ever a famous eccentric writer, these are the pencils people who want to be just like LFP should covet and imbue with magical powers.

● The Pentel Sharp Kerry would have to be my favorite mechanical pencil. It makes for a great pocket or purse pencil since it has a cap. Mine takes 0.5mm leads, which is skinny...but means I can fit long lists or notes on the index cards I carry with me.

● It doesn't really have an eraser, so one of the Pentel Clic erasers accompanies it in my purse pocket.

● The General's Semi-Hex is just a superb all-arounder. Nothing really quirky about it: it's a very high quality classic HB pencil.

● The General's Cedar Pointe is a bit rougher than the Semi-Hex in more ways than one. The lead seems a bit harder than most HBs (which makes it pretty smear-resistant), but can on occasion be a little scratchy. Some days I like that more than others. I love the unfinished cedar, and the way it changes color with time and use. These are so ruggedly handsome they make me a little swoony. They're also reassuringly grippy.

● The Forest Choice HB is also a natural beauty, but with a light seal over the wood so the color remains consistent and they have a more standard smooth feel. These are ubiquitous around my writing spots: early on I bought a HUGE box of them ('cause I like 'em), so I don't feel like I need to ration them. There are Forest Choice pencils in my pencil cups at home and at work, in my carry-around pencil case, by my music stand, in my purse.... They're another reliable all-rounder, they're attractive, and they smell great.

● I feel like the poor Palomino has been a bit overshadowed by its Blackwing brethren. Which is sad, really. These may not get the flashy marketing (as much, anyway), but they are beautiful pencils, nicely finished and smooth writing. One of these days I want to try some 2Bs. Those I currently have are HB.

Although not in the photo, I *could* give honorable mention to serveral others. A few examples: I like Ticonderogas (the Chinese ones), USA Gold, General's Test Scoring 580s, Golden Bears, Helix Oxfords, and yes, the Palomino Blackwing 602s (haven't tried the other flavors), though maybe not enough to justify the price and the fact that the oversized ferrule starts getting in the way when the pencil gets short.

What are your favorites?

Other Stuff I Like: Klean Kanteen 16 oz. Insulated

I realize this is out of my usual scope, but caffeine addiction seems to go side-by-side with writing material obsession, no? So here we are.

Not long after the new year, I acquired an insulated 16 oz. Klean Kanteen. This is a heavy-duty stainless steel double-walled vacuum insulated tumbler. Now that I've spent over six months putting it through the wringer, I feel qualified to share my experience.

NOTE: Keep in mind that this has been in (rough) daily use for pretty much that whole period, so this is not your usual pristine review model.

You can get these with a variety of different caps and lids. When I ordered mine, I opted for a "coffee set" that came with both a solid, leakproof loop cap and a sippy "cafe" cap.

Left: loop cap Right: cafe cap

The loop cap is lined with steel, so no plasticky flavors in your beverage. Any dust and gunk is my own, not Klean Kanteen provided.

I use both caps on a daily basis. Typically, I'll make my coffee in the morning and put on the loop cap for the journey to work, so I can toss the bottle around without worrying about spillage. I carry the cafe cap in my lunch bag and switch to that once I get to work, enabling me to sip without having to fiddle with the lid each time. Now...I realize there are fancy caps that have press and seal gadgets so you can sip and then close them. However, a) I am the queen of forgetting a dirty coffee cup somewhere on Friday and not getting around to cleaning it until later, and some of those cups require a mechanical engineering degree to disassemble for cleaning and reassemble, and b) the more parts there are, the more likely it is something will break or go missing. I love the simplicity of the Klean Kanteens.

Another note: if for any reason a cap wears out or gets lost, Klean Kanteen sells replacements.

As a bonus of sorts, the cafe cap resembles a certain Star Trek character. Thanks to Michael Clemens for the meme image made after my initial comment.

Speaking of cleaning, there's a reason for the Klean in Klean Kanteen. Everything about these is easy to get to and scrub. There are no hard corners--even on the cap threads--or places where crud can build up. A bottle brush and possibly an occasional vinegar and baking soda treatment is all you need to keep them sparkly.

Close-up of rounded threads

The cafe cap also comes apart in two pieces to make it easier to clean.

Bonus feature: Although I didn't buy it for this purpose, I quickly discovered these fit in a standard bicycle bottle cage!

Considering I've spent years trying to figure out convenient ways to bring coffee to work when on the bike, this makes me extremely happy.

So...summation of the pros:

1. Easy to clean.

2. Choice of lids (flexibility), which are easy to replace if lost or broken.

3. Fits in bike bottle cage.

4. Customer Service! The Klean Kanteen people obviously feel passionate about their products and stand behind them all the way. When I ordered my first Kanteen, I was a little concerned to discover it made a light rattling noise if shaken (which I typically do to check coffee level, for those wondering why I'd be shaking my cup). I wasn't sure what this meant, so I wrote to their customer service. I got a rapid and friendly response explaining the possible causes, and offering a replacement if I felt it warranted. I ended up accepting the replacement, if only for my own peace of mind. A few photos later, they let me know the new Kanteen was in the mail, and that I could keep the original for use or recycling. (It ended up functioning OK. This is it, in fact, so now I have two.) The experience left me pretty stunned, to be honest. That level of service is hard to come by these days.

Cons (there had to be a few):

1. I would recommend that those who use their Klean Kanteens in the bottle cage either opt for one of the brushed stainless steel models (no paint) or a less scratchy bottle cage. My poor Kanteen has developed rather more "character" than perhaps it deserves.

Scratches, paint chips, my fault...but something to be aware of.

2. The small top diameter can be an issue. It is one of the things which makes it fit so beautifully in a bottle cage, but it does mean your average tea basket won't fit, so if you (like me) like to brew from loose-leaf tea leaves now and again, you may find yourself frustrated. You also can't use an Aeropress directly into it. The Melitta cone, #2 sized version (my usual brewing method) works fine, however.

3. They're pretty pricey compared to the competition, though you *can* find sales here and there.

4. One other minor possible quibble: although coffee remains tastily temperatured until close to lunchtime, I would say overall this doesn't keep things hot and cold *quite* as long as Thermos containers. When I cooled both my old Thermos tumbler and the Kanteen with tap water and then added the same number of ice cubes to each, put the lid on them, and left overnight, the ice cubes in the Kanteen were a little smaller come morning. I don't have detailed measurements of the difference, which likely wouldn't affect normal usage, but I suppose if you spend time out in the cold or heat in the field, it's worth consideration.

Completely unsolicited, no financial interest and all that. I just think these are great products deserving of praise! I hope to add a plain, single-walled water bottle Kanteen to my arsenal at some point.

Specs (per manufacturer's site):
Capacity: 16 fluid ounces (473 ml)
Weight: 8.75 ounces (w/o cap)
Size: 7.25" H (w/o cap) x 2.9375" W
Opening diameter: 2.125” (54 mm)
18/8 food-grade stainless steel

Product page on manufacturer's website: http://www.kleankanteen.com/products/insulated/klean-kanteen-insulated-16oz.php

The Most Dangerous Time of the Year, 2013 Edition

This, my friends, is why I should not be allowed to roam Staples unsupervised, especially at back to school time. In my defense, at least some of it was on sale, or even clearance. The pink Signo pens were 50 cents apiece, for example. And I resisted the half-gross container of Ticonderogas.

These were kinda sorta what I went in for. Pencil Revolution just gave them a pretty positive review, and I find them very attractive to boot. (Go look at the photos on Pencil Revolution, not mine!) They were on sale for five dollars for 36 pencils, plus the two bonus erasers, so...how could I resist?

These were purely a curiosity buy. I've seen all-graphite pencils in art stores, but never in an office supply store with the regular pencils. And besides, the packaging is all shiny and stuff... I may do a bit of a review on these at some point, since I've not seen much about them on the web previously. Really curious if they do last longer.

And I pretty much always stock up on composition books this time of year, the more when I can find them with good stiff covers and decent paper--harder and harder these days. I went through all of them looking for Made in Brazil notebooks, and took a gamble on a few of the Made in Egypt ones. You'd think Egypt would know paper, right? We'll see.

Off to play with the new toys!

The Persistence of Pencil

Something of a case in point: a childhood journal entry from the 80s, in which the pencil looks as clear as it did the day it was written, though the notebook wasn't always properly stored and the paper has seen better days.

If you'll allow me to go off on a mini rant for a moment here...occasionally I find myself wandering pen forums and get cranky at certain misconceptions.

Note to the Internet: STANDARD GRAPHITE PENCIL DOES NOT FADE.

It's graphite. It is, essentially, powdered rock. You could stick a lump of graphite out in the sun for a thousand years, and it's not going to bleach white.

Pencil *can* smear, of course. Especially if you're using rather soft pencil. If you have very soft pencil on a page that is constantly exposed to friction of some kind, you may end up with smudged, illegible writing. This is entirely different from fading.

Thank you. I feel better now. Carry on.

Ice

GROCERY STORE CLERK (to two customers): "I'm sorry sirs, but we're currently out of bagged ice."

CUSTOMER #1 (nattily if eccentrically dressed black gentleman with a fedora sorta hat): "You could just bring out a big barrel of water and let me stick my finger in it."

CLERK (looking utterly baffled): "To--to at least cool off your finger, you mean?"

CUSTOMER #1: "Naw!  To make ice!  'Cause I'm just *cool* like that."

(And you know, he really might have been.)

Week in Review: Be Happy

1. July is almost always a tough month for me. It's silly, really: the days are long and bright, the sun and the warm weather have *finally* arrived here in the Pacific Northwest. Life is good, right? But this is generally when my year goes through a sort of mid-life crisis. I suddenly realize the summer is more than half over and what do I have to show for it?? Also, generally by this point either I have utterly failed to plant flowers or any other sort of garden and realize it's now too late to do much, OR (this is worse) I *did* plant flowers or another sort of garden, and when this dry weather showed up, I neglected to water one or more days and everything is dead and it's ALL MY FAULT. This year, I opted for the former. At least it's cheaper.

To heap on more misery, work has been insane, I haven't been able to take vacation, I feel like everything I do is a compromise between timeliness and getting it done perfectly, and many of my projects are so open ended and moving-target-ish that I don't even get the satisfaction of marking tasks complete. Ugh.

The point is, this is the time of the summertime blues. And this week has been rough. I've ended up in overwhelmed tears more than once.

And then yesterday, out of the blue, the boss handed out blank books to the gals in the office. Mine is this one, with a nice wrap-and-snap closure. It's the usual feel-good sort of store-bought journal, complete with pile of positive pith on the cover...but it still totally made my day. Or week. Or maybe month. I keep leaving it out where I can look at it. Granted, the nice feelings I have while looking at it have more to do with "Oooh, all that blank paper! For free! All for me!" than with the sayings on the cover, but the giant "BE HAPPY" exhortation still makes me smile.

2. In part to deal with my ups and downs, I've been trying to eat better and get regular exercise: lots of seasonal fruits and vegetables, fish, more or less lean meats, and moving more, even if it's just getting out there to walk a bit on the trail most days. I gave up sugar almost entirely about a month ago--I use a teaspoon or so of honey in my coffee or tea once in awhile, but otherwise pretty much restrict sweets to fruit.

My cravings for candy and breads have lessened. But I did discover Thursday that it's still a bad idea to shop while hungry. I ended up with almost all the optional items, including two cantaloupes, a big bunch of bananas, shrimp, rockfish, a large package of steaks, and a Very Large Chicken. And not even a frozen chicken: a Very Large Fresh Chicken. I *will* freeze the steaks, but I feel like I need to deal with the chicken up front. So...it's just about the hottest week of the year, and I have this chicken that needs cookin' and no grill capable of indirect heat, so it'll have to be crockpot or oven. And it has been years since I last cooked an entire bird. I need to go comb the interwebs for recipes that aren't horribly complicated. Oh dear.

But it seemed like a good idea at the time!

Caffeine AdVisor

That which has been seen cannot be unseen: the cafe cap for my Klean Kanteen looks like a cartoon Geordie La Forge.

Oof.

During the summer, I tend to bike the trail a lot more than I walk it, but the last few days, I've had the urge to play pedestrian. One thing I tend to forget when riding is how much more steeped in your surroundings you end up when on foot. You notice more small details along the way: a mole burrowing by the trailside, a jay scolding you from a nearby tree as you pass, snakes coiled in the sun. And you hear a lot more, whether you want to or not. There's no wind whistling in your ears as you cruise along, and encounters with other trail users are prolonged by your slow pace. You end up touched by all the lives around you, unintentionally catching fragments of conversations from other walkers, from joggers that puff by, caravans of cyclists: bits of gossip, parents keeping kids in line, smatterings of philosophical meanderings, scriptural reflections.

Sometimes it gets downright unpleasant. Today I set off on what was going to be a five mile walk, but just after the three mile turn-around point, I ended up behind a couple having a very loud, furious, foul-mouthed argument. I tried walking fast enough to pass them by, but it was taking so long (I think they kept speeding up in their anger) that in the end I gave in to embarrassment and turned back.

Yesterday's accidental eavesdropping was more entertaining, if not much less cringe-worthy. A couple (newly dating, judging from the clues) approached me from behind and then passed me. The conversation as they went by went something like this:

HE: (obviously excited and enthusiastic about this topic they've hit upon) "Yeah, that's great! Keep that up, and the next thing you know, you'll be down fifty pounds, and your heart rate when exercising will be what your resting heart rate is now!"

SHE: (after a barely perceptible pause) "Fifty pounds."

HE: (just the eensiest bit defensive/panicky) "Well...you know what I mean."

SHE: (rather coolly)"No. I don't."

(At this point they went by me--she was bit thinner than I am, i.e. within a healthy BMI range, though could stand to lose a *few* pounds and tone up a bit. If she lost more than fifteen or twenty pounds, she'd look sick. He, predictably perhaps, was on the pudgy side.)

HE: (starting to stammer a little) "Well, you know...there are like...long distance runners and stuff who have no...um...extra...um...material." Hastily added: "Not that I like that or anything, I'm just saying that--"

SHE: Inaudible.

HE: "OK, well, maybe not so much then. But--"

At that point they drifted out of earshot. Part of me rather wished I could lob some sort of audio surveillance device at them so I could hear if he actually managed to back pedal his way (so to speak) out of the situation. On the other hand, it's quite likely it didn't get any prettier, so maybe it's just as well I didn't get to hear the end.

I mean...dude! I know you meant well but...wow.

On the bright side, I with my clumsy conversational skillz suddenly feel most suave by comparison...so there's that.

Type Tweet: Verbal Devolution

Typed on the robofont Olympia SM-9 that came to me indirectly from Richard Polt, by way of notagain.